Dear neighbors with perfect lawns…
I see you giving me the stink eye every time you come out of your house & face my dandelion filled lawn…I SEE YOU.
Yes your lawn looks fabulous, green & weed free & one day ours will too, but today is not that day & here is why:
1) I have a toddler, a toddler that eats rocks, dog hair & pretty much anything she can touch. So, the thought of some fancy lawn spray company coming out & treating our yard frankly scares the LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME! Yes, I understand that dog hair & rocks may not be the most nutritional meal choices, but they will not make her deathly ill…well at least I hope not!
2) We are not retired, wealthy, nor do we have time to manicure our lawn to a glistening green perfection. We wish we were all three of those, however; you can wish in one hand and shit in another & the outcome is pretty much the same.
3) We are women, women who have better things to think about the first day of spring than Scotts “step one” treatment. We are thinking about meal plans, diapers & WTH is down the toilet today. Please forgives us for our forgetfulness when it comes to the “4step” program that would, in fact, make our lawn just as beautiful as yours.
One day old peeps, one day our lawn will be manicured perfectly and you can stop EYE JUDGING me every effin’ time you walk out of your house.