Infant Loss Awareness: Be Mindful of Your Words
I honestly wasn’t going to post anything about something a friend of mine experienced Friday night but I feel like I have too… if not for her, or me, but for EVERYONE who has experienced the heartbreaking event called miscarriage. Maybe even if you haven’t experienced it this will educate you on it.
Most people think you love your baby at first sight and that’s partly true.. you see you do love that baby at first sight but it starts at first sight of that positive pregnancy test. It grows every minute of every day.. every time you think “I’m pregnant”, every time you see that baby on the ultrasound screen or hear your babies heartbeat. It happens instantly! So no matter if the person pregnant never got to meet their baby, name them, find out their gender or hold them in their arms it’s still a BABY!
I carried my angels for 9 weeks and 12 weeks and although I don’t know if they were a boy or a girl, who they would have resembled, how they would have acted or given them a name I still love them as if they are here with us today. I still, 5 yrs later, feel the gut-wrenching pain when I think of them, I miss them every single day and wonder who they would have become. Although I only ever heard their heartbeats and saw them on the ultrasound screen I fell in love the moment I learned I was pregnant and wanted them more than anything.
You see my friend, what she experienced I honestly can’t imagine. She’s the one person on this earth that deserves a baby. She’s so strong, a strong no one can compete with because I see her smile and I see her around kids daily and she looks happy… but I know as well as anyone else experienced a loss that she isn’t whole anymore and if she needs to talk about her baby… LET HER!! Because she is a mom and deserves recognition as such. Dates are not her friend.. she’s going to have reminders every year of when her due date was, the date she lost her baby, the date she found out she was pregnant… and the thought of “I would have a 6-month-old” etc. It’s not only a daily reminder but a yearly reminder where those dates make the pain come back just as strong as the day it all happened.
The comment that was made to her literally made my heart hurt, the hug I gave her doesn’t help against that type of pain and it’s something I can’t stop thinking about. I’m crying writing this because I know the pain she struggles with each and every day while trying to appear “her old self”. Truth is, she will never be the same again.
So to those who carried a baby for 9 minutes, 9 weeks or 9 months just know you are blessed to feel the love for your child that can not be explained.
Those who never felt that grief know that they would love to have the issues you deal with daily like kids fighting, the house being trashed with toys or a sleepless night. If you don’t understand miscarriage I hope this helps because it’s just a glimpse of how having an angel baby really is.
I love ya girl and I’m here for you always!!!! I’m so sorry for the comment Friday that literally had you in tears, I want to smack that woman in the mouth even still!