“Think that just don’t fit you anymore”

Since I am the newest to the group before I jump in let me set the scene for you.

I’ve got four beautiful babies. Joah my oldest is 8, he is every mom’s dream-funny, smart, loving respectful and helpful. Jael, 3 is spunky, witty, loving and smart she is truly a real chip off the old block! (If I must say so myself) Then there are the twins they will be 2 in April. Shiloh pushed herself out so she is clearly a natural born leader. She knows what she wants and she is will figure out how to get it. Samson is a true sweetheart his smile and chunky cheeks just melt my heart, he is big and strong just like my husband.
Ok now that you know a little bit more about my kiddos, let’s get to the good stuff.

I am sure you are wondering why my title has some broken English and no it’s not because I wanted to make a point or lure you with urban twang lol.

That is a direct quote from Jael. Every morning I take the little kids to preschool, so I am up between 5:30 and 6 depending on how many times, I want to hit the snooze button.

This particular morning, I waited until 6 am. I just couldn’t pull myself up. So, I get all the kids dressed, teeth brushed, faces washed etc. Afterward, it’s my turn to get myself together for work. I take a quick shower and rush to get dressed. As I am getting dressed Jael comes in my room, my back is to the door so I do not see her.

I am struggling to get my “garment” for lack of better words on. PAUSE-seriously “garment” makers could you make some things more user-friendly!

So, I struggling to get these ungodly tight straps pulled down when I hear this tiny voice from behind me say “Ummm mom…” so I say “Yes Jae, what is it I am trying to get dressed” she replies to me “I think that just don’t fit you anymore” TALK ABOUT BRUTAL!

Thanks, daughter! I totally understand from my struggle here that it may not, but did you have to tell me! I just humbly said “You are right Jae” because after all, she is 3 and I am sure it did not cross her mind that once upon a time that was my favorite one lol.

On my drive to work, however, her words hit me like a ton of bricks and became an instant inspiration.

I realized that there were so many things that in life we as moms try to make fit us. Sure, in this instance it was clothing but think about it, how many forced relationships and friendships do we hold onto that may not fit us anymore?

Think about the jobs that we have done that when change comes we still try and do things the old way? I am sure I am not the only one who has tried to hold onto some things that I am outgrowing because I am fearful of letting go.

OR how many circles of people have you tried to fit in that just may not fit you and who you truly are? As we grow as mom our mental and emotional stability sometimes gets thrown by the wayside as we dive deep into our new or reoccurring roles.

We stop thinking about dreams at times, we stop pursuing careers, we stop putting ourselves first in order to give every part of us to our families.

Soon after we look up and years have gone by, we have forgotten some people are still doing the same “ole” things and talking the same “ole” talk- the “shoulda, coulda, woulda” is what I like to call that. We stop paying attention to what we might not fit us because our kids are hitting milestones.
But what about you?

You have to grow as a woman too, you are a woman first-then a mom. What you did before you had kids you may not do anymore, the people who were your best friends may not understand you like they used to. You spend days thinking about much your life has changed and you never stop to realize that growing is ok and letting go is healthy.

I know this started with clothes but go beyond the clothes and think about yourself. It’s amazing how much we give of ourselves and sometimes I think about what have I outgrown-heck am I even growing or have I gotten complacent?

I know I am asking many questions here but because my 3-year-old hit me a question that automatically put into HD version hallmark movie where some mom is sobbing on a therapists’ couch about how she doesn’t feel like herself anymore and she is not who she is because she drowns in diapers and her chest hurts from breastfeeding or her kids are in so many programs that she lives in the car and for rehearsals.

I had to make this 1st post rhetorical and reflective because what other to best represent myself than to say I have been there and I can tell you outgrowing or not fitting into some things is AMAZING!

Outgrowing some old habits (perfectionist ways) and old thought patterns (my pre-baby body is better than this full figure I get to sport now) feels like freedom and I am just waiting on my fireworks show OK!

Sometimes you have to tell yourself-That just doesn’t fit you anymore and be okay with it. Stop trying to go the extra mile to paint a perfect picture for others or be relevant for people who may not be real, be honest with yourself and grow in your grace.

So to all you moms who can’t “fit” stuff anymore get a bigger size, dream a bigger dream and be in competition with no one. You owe it to your kids to get out of the things you can’t fit and into spaces where you are content with who you are growing to be.

Give “that woman” the one you are becoming a chance, don’t second guess what you love-own it!
Be blessed mommas! May you find your right fit and let go of anything that you have to wrestle to fit into.

-Shaheedrah

(Photo-Shellyn Leeper Photography)

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