“I tried my best to find words for you. I just couldn’t. But I found this, and it’s as if it came right out of my mouth to you! Thank you for loving those boys unconditionally and being patient with me along this journey.
To my sons’ stepmom:
I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you.
I doubt you ever wanted me in your life. I doubt you planned to mother a child that you didn’t give birth to. I can bet that your plan for your family included you, daddy and your children together, not me or my sons. I bet that when you dreamed of becoming a mother, you thought it would be the day you gave birth and not the day you accepted your partner in your life. I’m pretty sure you never planned on me being here.
But God has plans that far exceed our own. When my little family dissolved to form two families, I knew you would be coming.
My sons’ father starting a relationship with someone else. My sons’ father would eventually choose a day to introduce my boys to you. Today,
In my mind you would be a terrible beast and my sons would not want you to mother them at all, ever! I was hoping that you would be semi-unattractive and prayed my sons wouldn’t look up to you. Their daddy would know that he was settling for second best. I did not want to face the fact that another woman would mother my children in my absence.
Then you arrived.
Hey, you were supposed to be the wicked, ugly old stepmother… what happened?Today
You weren’t what I had in mind. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a sweet, young woman.
My plans were foiled.
I realized from the look on your face that meeting me was just as hard for you. My heart immediately softened. Dang your kind smile! I was planning on really hating you. Why were you ruining my plan?!
I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible, and I quickly grew thankful for you.
You’ve accepted our sons from the very start and have unconditionally loved both them and their daddy, and that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our boys in everything you do and make them feel loved and accepted. You put their relationship with their daddy above yours, and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.
This happily-ever-after might not look the way we planned… but we are happy. Today,
I knew when their daddy and I decided to separate and live in separate homes there would be times when they would need their mommy and I wouldn’t be there. I’m so thankful that you are there in my absence. I’m grateful that you have mercy on Calem’s teen years and never reject him. They need a mommy at your house and you’ve done an amazing job being that for them.
You’ve respected my position as mom from the very start. I appreciate that you check with me when you question if you are making the right decision with them. I know our situation is rare. It’s not often that a mom and stepmom text to remind each other that they love and respect each other. You are a gift.
Our boys will grow up with more love than I could have ever imagined. It wasn’t their choice to have separated parents, and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child I am so thankful that they now have two moms who love and respect them and each other. They are compassionate because of it, and understand that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.
Q is excited to call you and tell you his stories, and that makes my heart want to jump from my chest with joy. I fill with pride when you wrap your arms around me and squeeze for a genuine and loving hug each time we see each other.
I promise to always respect your input for our boys. I promise to never minimize the position you hold in their life or make you feel like you are not their mother. I promise to raise them to be grateful to have two strong and brave women in their life who have the courage to mother them together. I pray they are never in our situation — even though it is peaceful — but if they ever find themselves here, I promise to set an example for them of what co-parenting should look like.
Precious woman, you are a rare and beautiful gem. God bless you and I love you.”
Written by: Kristen Wallace
photo credit to Kalee Dynes