Letting Go of Mom Guilt
Do you know those days where you’re home all day with your kids, and they’re driving you absolutely crazy? It’s ok. You’re allowed to say they drive you crazy sometimes, I just wouldn’t recommend saying it to them.
I’ve had those days more times than I’d like to admit. I call them Mom Guilt Days. I spend most of the day telling my kids to stop fighting, or telling them no when they’ve asked for a snack for the 76th time that hour alone. I lose my patience easily on these days, and before I know it, everybody’s day is ruined, because, if momma isn’t happy, nobody is happy.
They finally calm down, after what seems like the longest day ever, and we somehow miraculously make it to bedtime. Ahhh, bedtime. The time that I can finally have a second to myself. No fighting. Nobody running or playing basketball in the house. It’s my time to catch an episode of whatever show I’m binging on Netflix that week, and eat a snack without sharing. I can finally relax.
But then, it creeps in. It doesn’t even creep in slowly. It creeps in with all the subtlety of a freight train.
You know, mom guilt!
The thought that they’re up in their beds, thinking about how mean I was all day, or upset because they think I’m mad at them.
Was I too hard on them?! They’re just kids. They’re stuck inside because the weather is terrible, and they’re just trying to get through the day. They’re allowed to have bad days or grumpy days. I have them all the time! Why do I expect them to always be perfect? They’re human, just like me!
Instead of relaxing, I replay the whole day in my head. I try to remember everything I said to them, the tone I used, and the reaction on their little faces. Sometimes I even go upstairs, hoping they’re still awake, so I can give them one more hug and kiss, so they know that I still love them more than anything and that everything is ok. But, the deep sleep that they’re in shows me that I’m taking the events of the day much harder than they are. Mom guilt.
I’m not a perfect mom by any means. Nobody is. I’m perfect to them, though. Even on my worst days, the days that I lose my patience and yell too much, they think I’m the greatest thing in the world. I get it wrong every day, but they don’t see that. They see their mom. Their hero. They see the person that they love more than anybody else in the world. To them, nothing else matters. Not even all the things I feel guilty for.
Moms, you are enough. You are amazing. You’re allowed to have bad days. You’re allowed to have days that feel like all you’re doing is yelling. You’re allowed to lose your patience and do whatever you need to do to survive until bedtime. No matter how badly you think you’re failing at times, somebody’s entire world revolves around you, and that is so much bigger than anything.
Even mom guilt.