Being a mother is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done in my 29 years of life thus far.
Nothing or no one can prepare you for what is the happiest, confusing, most frustrating time of your life. Go ahead and read all the books and articles you want, as soon as you feel confident about one decision, reality will always strike and your left contemplating your existence. I only have one child, he’s 3, yet I feel like most days I have 100. And being a boy mom is no easy task.
I don’t have a daughter, nor any experience upbringing a female child. Which I can only assume is ENTIRELY different than raising a boy. But being a mother of a boy I have a finite set of rules I have to follow. Our society expects certain things of men. And how we raise our boys now is going to drastically change how the world carries on in the future. I don’t care what anyone has to say, after all, everyone is free to parent in any way they would like, that’s our prerogative.
But I will not resort back to early century qualities and characteristics. My son will be humble, caring, compassionate, and respectful. He will treat everyone exactly the same. He will learn how to deal with his anger and sadness in a healthy way. He will be comfortable in his own skin and help others with their sense of comfort. How? Because it’s my job to teach him these things. Will he fail sometimes? Of course, he will.
I will let him know every single day, regardless of the mistakes and wrong decisions he will make (let’s be real, he’s going to mess up), that his father and I love him, and support him with any decisions he makes, although those decisions must come from a place of good intent. As long as he knows, at his core, that he’s a good person, I’ve done my job. I have no expectations for him.
You want to be a singer? GOOD
You want to do ballet? AWESOME
You want to practice Buddhism? COOL
He must realize that he needs to love himself first before he can expect anyone else to. I’ll teach him that he is his own best friend. At the end of the day, we are all we have, and if we aren’t comfortable and understand ourselves fully, then we cannot expect someone else to be able to understand us. I’ll tell him that ‘boys will be boys’ his entire life, but he cannot let that EVER be an excuse to treat someone any less. He has to stick up for himself, but never tear someone else down to do so.
If we start in our homes, teaching our children what’s important, maybe we would see a decline in these predetermined mindsets and expectations. Understanding, compassion, warmth, and love. Whether children look and receive that is totally upon the parents. My husband and I are on the same page about everything when it comes to raising our child. And I think that’s something that definitely can’t hurt in the journey that is parenthood. Having a partner to reiterate things is great!
Right now my 3-year-old throws himself on the floor during tantrums, likes to pour his juice all over our dogs, and sometimes just screams at me because he’s so frustrated. He is an actual dragon sometimes. But it’s my job as a mother, and his best friend through life, to tame that dragon inside of him, use it for good, not evil. I’m trying my best to raise the best man I can.