Trying to Find Myself

One day, I came to a realization; I realized that I had forgotten who I was.

Ask me about hobbies, but only about those of my husband or kids because I didn’t have any.

Ask me about likes and dislikes, but only about those of my husband and kids because I knew theirs.

My life revolved around my family. It still does today, but with a little hint of me now.

I was drowning in the belief that my role as a mother and wife meant that I could not think about myself anymore; I was meant to aide them.

I didn’t have hobbies, interests or even the motivation to find any. If at the end of the day I was able to say my family was happy and provided for— mission accomplished.

But, I started to resent my family. I had lost myself and no one noticed. I was stuck in Groundhog Day and couldn’t seem to break the monotony. I would look in the mirror unable to find one positive thing to say about myself.

Then, one day right before Christmas I saw an advertisement for our local YMCA. They highlighted the family friendly atmosphere and countless activities and events they provide.

I loaded my three young children into the car the next day and headed there. Friendly faces greeted us as we walked up to the counter. With one toddler on my hip, another grasping my free hand and a kindergartener asking 1000 questions trailing behind, I asked for a tour.

The first stop we made was to the Child Care Center. This is where things changed.

They offered 2 hour child watch in a room full of toys and activities next to the Wellness Center.  For free. The women inside were kind and inviting and the other kids flocked to mine, eager to make friends.

The very next day the kids were asking to go. After shuffling through drawers to find something appropriate to work out in, I obliged.

The kids scurried into the Child Center while I dreaded walking into a gym.

But I did. I walked in.

For two hours I tried machines, listened to music and just basked in the absence of hearing “mom” every second. It was marvelous.

I went back two more days that week.

Then the week after that.

 

 

Today, I have a hobby.

I have found myself through running and exercise. I’ve tested my body like I thought I never could. I’ve pushed myself farther than I imagined.

It has tested me physically and mentally.

I have lost 40 pounds to date but have gained the self confidence I’ve always wanted. I set goals for myself everyday and kill them.

Ladies, we are strong! Stronger than we get credit for.

My son asks me about my runs everyday. Recently, he told me that he told his friend “My mom is a runner, and she is fast”.

First, I’m not that fast, but my son shared that his mom has a hobby! He recognized something I like. He asks me about it and cheers me on when I wanna quit.

Even though I started for me, I’m continuing for them.

I feel so good, you guys! I’m happy, healthy and PROUD.

I share my journey on social media because I know I’m not the only woman or mother desperately needing a change or an outlet.

Know you can do it, you are worth it.

 

 

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