Why Me! By Danelle German

I wonder to myself all the time “why me!” Why did my one year old decide to puke on me two seconds before I leave for work, why is my four-year-old so concerned about her hair, why are my pants continuously shrinking, why me!

My name is Danelle, and I am asking myself that question right now as to why you would take the time and grace me with your presence. I first just want you to know I am nothing special, so if you are looking for some award-winning shiny piece to read, it is not me. So I bet next you want to know who I am right?

I am Danelle, mother. I had my first when I was 20 years old. My boyfriend at the time and I had a pleasant surprise in the form of a double line the day we found out. I can still remember our ghost flushed faces while we sat at a small diner wondering what we were going to do. It wasn’t until her birth I knew why me. I was destined to love someone in the most unconditional, realist way I have ever experienced. I started to love more than I had ever loved before, and I started to love myself. I had found acceptance in the role of motherhood, and it was then I knew why me.

My second child was a different story. I was challenged for the fight of life. I can still remember regaining consciousness and hearing the beeps in my ears. Why I kept asking myself why, and when I went to speak I was gagged by tubes running down my throat. Why me!?!

I am a fighter. I have been diagnosed with a neurological disease that has causes hip dysplasia so my hips are always 20% out of socket, but I continue to live life to the best of my ability, but I will always ask why me! I have been in a coma due to the birth of my second child. I have Almost lost the battle for my life and not a day goes by that I don’t wonder why me.

I am a survivor. I have overcome rehabilitation from the pits of rock bottom, been a survivor of postpartum, and survived absolute tragedy through life and the struggles it has dealt me.

I am a lover. I have spent my whole life trying to love others because in my early years I didn’t love myself. I have dedicated my life to working in a field that listens and helps people be the best they can be. I am a mother, the greatest gift anyone could’ve blessed me with because those girls are the reason life is worth living when I am screaming “why me!”

I am a realist. I do not believe life is rainbows and unicorns. I am a victim of suicide and see how lives are impacted, which is why my parents have started to parent again, and we ask ourselves everyday why. I am blessed to be so close to my nieces, but why did they have to be subjected to the reality of suicide at such a young age; why didn’t their mommy ask others for help? Why didn’t she talk to me? Why me!? I do not have time to put myself first, I am not a beauty queen or size 2, but I am real. I am honest about my struggles because I want to share and love in the best way I know how, and letting you all know I’m human is one of the most real things I know to do.

So, why me!? Why take the time to read this blog? I have been through a lot, I have a lot of life stories, some you’ll relate to, some you’ll wonder why the hell I am here today. I want women to be able to ask why me and have support through the storm because life is hard, and I am here to offer fellowship, and an ear for when you are screaming “Why Me!!!”

 

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3 thoughts on “Why Me! By Danelle German”

  1. I am your mom and I have watched you grow through the good and the bad. I love you much and am so proud of you.

  2. I have seen you go through so much and prayed for you along the way. You have allowed the lows and highs to draw you closer to God and that is a wonderful thing. Hard times either make us bitter or better and you have chosen to be better. You stay strong Danelle and I know your life will be a positive influence on many.

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