I have written numerous articles on how my husband and I met. Our love story has not been one from the magazines. We weren’t high school sweethearts, we didn’t see each other and fall fast in love and live happily ever after. Quite frankly, life has been more of a tribulation than a triumph. I say life has been a tribulation but as for our marriage…that’s our triumph.
Let me clear up the confusion before it even starts, we live for our children, I think I’ve said that before. In this season – being parents is our number one, front and foremost priority. I read article after article about moms who have lost who they are as a person after becoming a mother and that is me. I’ve lost the old self, the one who made midnight runs to Taco Bell and Wal-Mart because I was bored. I’ve lost the woman who had minimal confidence, I’ve lost my indecisive qualities.
I discovered so much more about myself..
I found that motherhood is for life, but child rearing is only for a little while. I cant begin to express how many times I have learned from my children. Life has this really comical way of aligning the things you use to teach your kiddos and turning them around in your own life.
A few weeks ago our middle son went to a sports try out. He went back and forth about if he should try out. His emotions about it was up and down, some days I’d hear:
“If I don’t make it, I can always try again next year, but I will try my best that’s all I can do”
Other days Id hear things like,
“I don’t think I want to try out, I’m not good enough, I don’t think I’m ready.”
I let him work through these emotions himself and when the time came for try outs I let him be the one who made the choice. I watched him conquer a huge fear and push himself out of his comfort zone and that alone was a huge accomplishment for him. He went down and gave it his best shot, he hustled, and I saw a passion for the game in his eyes that day that I hadn’t seen for a while. Unfortunately, he didn’t make the team. We sat him down to tell him and although I saw brief glisten in his eyes he handled it so well. We told him how proud we were of him, what a huge step it was for him to try out, and we were so full of pride because he chose to be courageous and face a big fear.
But these are the words that I said to him that day that keep replaying for me as an adult. “Sometimes we give it our all, we want something to happen so bad and even though we try our very hardest, do everything we think is right, give it our best shot, we don’t always get what we want but what is most important is that we try and do our best and never give up.”
I don’t discuss much about my life as a Step-Mother through my Newsymom articles because I try to keep the turmoil at a minimum but life as a blended family is hard. It doesn’t come from the children involved they are so beautiful, wonderful, innocent, and gorgeously naïve to the world spinning around them. But as the adults in the situation, we are in a trench of toxic mud, swimming to a life raft. Some days we make it, some days we don’t. We try not to but in all honesty, we live court date to court date and the stress of it all is so overbearing at times I sit in the bath tub and cry for hours. No one talks about this side of life – living in a blended family, and if they do it’s almost certainly to be bitter. I’m not bitter, more broken hearted. I stretch to believe that everyone in our story is working in what they think is best for our children but the adult interests almost never line up, which forces our hands into a court room. There are some days we succeed at what we are fighting for and there are some days we don’t. Those days are hard, yesterday was one of those bathtub, front porch days for us.
But far away in the fog at that moment God reminded me….
“Sometimes we give it our all, we want something to happen so bad and even though we try our very hardest, do everything we think is right, give it our best shot, we don’t always get what we want but what is most important is that we try and do our best and never give up.”
Photo Credit: Shellyn Leeper Photography