If I ask you a favor, please be aware that I’ve exhausted every other option and possibility there is for me to handle it myself.
No matter what it is, but especially when it involves my kids.
To say I’m an independent person would be an understatement. I prefer to handle the things in my life on my own. It’s just who I am. It’s how I was before kids and it’s continued to today, running a family.
It is not that I don’t need help.
I need help. Some days more than others.
I just can’t bring myself to ask someone, especially if they’ve never offered.
I guess I look at it as showing that person that I am weak. And who likes to be portrayed as weak? No one.
I spread myself too thin too often because I’m so stubborn.
Ask my husband, closest friends and family how much sleep I get. I work full time in a fast paced environment from 3pm-3am because it eliminates me needing someone to babysit my kids for an extended amount of time. That means that I get home around 4am, try to get to sleep by 5am and now since school has begun, I’m up at 7am getting the day going. Naps are nonexistent because I have a two year old at home that boycotts them and a preschooler. And everyone knows how their schedules are.
But I do it. Everyday. Because I chose this life. I chose to have three children. I chose to be a nurse. I chose to work twelve hour shifts.
But I didn’t choose to feel immense guilt when I can’t handle it all.
I have a husband that understands how my days usually run and is always willing to send me out the door every now and then for some peace and quiet while he holds the fort down.
If I break down and have to ask for a hand, know that I already feel like a failure. If I get a stutter, a sigh or a long pause waiting for an answer, I feel like the tiniest, most incapable mother. It’s taken me setting my pride to the side to even ask. I don’t want to be belittled.
I just want help.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
Motherhood can be a lonely place. A rewarding place. A tired place. A fun loving, happy place.
It’s my place and I love it. But, it is hard.
“It takes a village” has never impacted me so much than it does at this point in my life.