Postpartum

This is a story that I really wanna share with you all. A lot of women in today’s society are putting pressures that are unneeded on moms to be the best mom you can be no matter what… As if moms are not allowed to have a bad day. I had a lot of bad days.

February 26, 2018 was supposed to be the best day of my life. It was the birth of my second child, and little did I know my last. I suffered from postpartum angiopathy causing a cerebral edema and I was put into a coma. I will never remember the birth of my daughter and I was not able to provide for her for her first two months of life due to the month of me being in the hospital, and the month I had to recover.

Coming home from the hospital was difficult, especially because I was given a baby I thought I had died. When I woke from my coma I thought Elianna had passed away because I couldn’t remember her. I was crushed I had thoughts of severe hopelessness, I felt like I had failed as a mother to my three-year-old and my newborn baby. I began to fall deeper into a depression. Struggling to get out of bed struggling to shower, and struggling to talk. I remember the day I knew I had postpartum and I needed help.

My husband went to give me my kid the new one and I looked at her emotionless. I said to Trevor I don’t want her, and he interpreted that as in that moment… But that’s not what I meant.

How dare I? How could I say that? What kind of mother are you? These are all farts that ran through my head, I didn’t feel good enough to be a mom anymore. I didn’t feel good enough to be alive anymore. It wasn’t until I spoke up about my postpartum and sought counseling and help from psychiatry services that I began to heal and not be OK with what happened, but accept it for what it is.

Postpartum is real and it is a battle, and you’re not alone. I love my children more than anything in this world they are my core value the reason I strive to be who I am without them I’m nothing. I had to overcome one of the hardest struggles in my life and you Can too. If you ever feel this way you can text hope to 741741, you can also see counseling services you can talk to your primary care physician and don’t be afraid to speak up. I did and it got better.

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2 thoughts on “Postpartum”

  1. I also had post partum and didnt know it until someone else read my journal that I was writing to my son while we were in the hospital for 4 weeks. Watching you go thru what you did was very hard for us all, but knowing you are better and such a great mom has eased the bad memories.

  2. You are the strongest woman I know. There is nothing you can’t do. I think you take after your mom. I love you. ❤️

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