In high school you better believe I was the nicest person there was. I feel pretty confident in that. My brother was bullied pretty badly, so seeing that, I wanted to make it a point to be kind to anyone I came into contact with. When someone needed a favor, someone to talk to about their problems, an outfit to borrow, it was me! Fast forward to college and that all smacked me in the face pretty hard.
Getting put into group projects and I just felt the need to do the majority of the work. Going all day smiling at people and wondering why I couldn’t seem to make any friendships like the ones I had made in high school. Why was this so different? So hard? I desperately wanted people to like me. I needed that confirmation that I was liked! I was getting walked all over. I was going to lunches with “friends” and not saying a word because they wouldn’t let me.
Fast forward to after college, to married life with children. I am a TOTALLY different person. My eager to please attitude is gone. And honestly, my “niceness” is gone too.
I have no patience for people in my life that don’t genuinely care about how I am. You know what I’m talking about. The second you tell people, “I’m pregnant”, it’s like you have one million best friends. They come to your baby shower and post all over social media that they can’t wait to meet your little one. But those people disappear. And I don’t mind that they disappear.
I’ve learned that I don’t need to be nice to anyone. I would take a bullet for the people in my life who check in on me, ask me to hang out (EVEN WITH MY KID PRESENT!), and make plans with me even if it might take us a month to actually get together.
You really notice how much relationships are one sided when you stop being the person to reach out first. And my advice is that YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE NICE TO THOSE PEOPLE. Don’t pretend with them. And if they ever get around to asking you what your problem is, don’t sugar coat it.
Children open your eyes to a lot. Especially about what kind of person you are. They also make you incredibly brave, and honestly they bring out the best in you. I just want them to know that it’s not okay to treat people badly, and don’t let people treat you badly.