Category Archives: Jess Doane

The Big 30. Living It, Learing it, Loving it

So this is it. The big one. The big day. The big kahuna.

I’m kidding. I’m just 30. I turned 30.

Age is just a number to me, it doesn’t get me bent out of shape or overly sensitive, maybe a little sentimental though…

I still sled ride, ride bikes, run miles, throw water balloons, jump smoking logs, eat starburst and pizza. I still have the best lifelong friend I’ve had since I was pretty much birthed. Not much has changed in any of those departments.

What’s changed is between water ballon fights and carbs I have to work a little harder in the gym and for every 15 minutes that passes doing things a 30 year old woman has no business doing….cough cough like jumping logs….I’m also accumulating 15 loads of laundry and 10 bowls of half eaten cereal chillaxin in curdled milk waiting to be washed.

See this is what I’ve learned.

I’ve learned that a lifelong friend is one of God’s biggest blessings

    . Shout out to you my sweet friend Timberly. Yes – with a “T” it’s not a typo. This woman is my nanny, my counselor, my comedian, my best friend. Did I mention she’s a massage therapist. God dealt me a A+ deck with that one. There is nothing like a friend you can call on a whim to eat Mexican food or cry to because you husband is driving you bonkers. She showed up at my doorstep and drove through inches of snow today just to make sure I received the birthday present she’s been taunting me with for months. Find ya a friend that you can say remember when we were 10 and……she can finish your sentence because she will know exactly what you’re going to say before you say it. You need that in your 30s.

Learn to say no.

    Gosh, I can’t stress this enough. If you get invited to and outing that you don’t want to go to and it puts you in a mood before you even leave. SAY NO. If your swamped to the max and need a minute to breath. SAY NO.

Grow up.

    • Legitimately grow up. Get your finances in order. Look deeper in to the reality of retirement.

Quit wearing frosted blue eye shadow. Wait. What?

    • Get savings accounts for your children.

I’m not giving up my dreams of being a karaoke dream team though. Maybe in my 40s…..maybe

    . Get new quotes on your insurance policies. Get life insurance.

Visit your grandparents.

    Ah I can’t stress this enough. I can’t put it in to any other words then love your grams and gramps. Soak up their wisdom and be there to make them laugh. They may have aged since you were a babe in their arms but let me tell ya, they still love your company. Be there and be present.

Be present.

    • This. This I’m guilty of. I’ve got my face buried in my phone half the time, the other times I’m chasing my children or providing them with their own personal chauffeur service. If I’m not doing one of those two things I’m thinking about

whose homework needs done, what appointment we have next week, which bill needs paid, what I’m making for supper, is the boys sports uniforms washed, did each kid get enough attention, did I remind my husband to call the vet, crap – did I miss baseball sign ups or my nieces birthday?

    All I’m saying is take the time to disconnect. Those times you’re chauffeuring your kids in the car and your winning imaginary arguments in your head with the cashier who mean mugged you at Walmart, you could be listening to you son tell you about how he sat by the girl at lunch that everyone makes fun of but he doesn’t understand why. Or him rattling off the years that every significant figure in black history month was born. You don’t want to miss those moments.

Remove toxic people from your life. Ain’t nobody got time for this.

    And let me just say if you do, you are the problem. Let me just be candid, if there is a human being on this planet that you see and your back starts to sweat, your heart starts to pump, your hands are sweating and you’re standing there with a smile on your face trying to hide it. IT’S TIME FOR THEM TO GO. God made us all different for a reason, he also said love your enemies, I know it and Lord forgive me in the moments I fail. But, I didn’t read anywhere that I’ve got to let them come over for dinner, invite them into my home or my life. Some people just don’t jive. You can be a respectful human being and still not get along with certain people. That’s ok, let them go.

Set boundaries.

    This my loyal and faithful Newsymom audience was when I conquered my 20’s. I said enough is enough. I said you know what, no – I’m not doing it anymore, I can’t – this is my line, you’ve crossed it and you’re not welcome here anymore. With that opened a flood gate of power and control of my own life. Man, it made some people mad, especially the ones I let run all over me, but when I said this isn’t my narrative, you’re affecting my life with my children and I won’t allow it, was when I was transformed with a substantial amount of peace.

Always do your best.

    This one is simple. Give it your all. Everything you do, put the fire in your soul in to it. BUT. Don’t be mad at yourself when you have nothing else to give. When you’re finished. It’s finished. Because you know you did your best.

Find your passion.

    I mean your real passion. Not the ones your read about on Pinterest. The one God set in your souls. The one that you want to go down with you when you go. I think there is a distinct difference between a goal and a passion. Set goals and crush them. Weather it be a weight loss, a career, a relationship. But your passion, your passion is what ignited your heart and burdens your soul. Find that

BE KIND.

    I know it’s a cliche phrase, trademarked by Ellen right now but let’s be honest she’s on to something. Can we all just be nice. Love one another? Raise our children to do the same? Go out of your way to make another human being realize they matter.

I guess at the end of the day. Today in particular. My 30th birthday, I’m laying in bed thinking about how today I did nothing different. I sat at home with my kids, played Old Maid (the card game, but I guess real life now too), cleaned the kitchen and did some laundry. But other people did something different. They took time out of their day to make mine special, not because I asked them too. Not because I needed them too, but mostly because they chose too. I made a vow to try to be kind to every person I come in to contact with. To live in such a way that if someone speaks ill of me, the other person will know that they’re telling half truths. I want to be known for loving my children and my family. For telling you that your hair looks nice or that you’re rocking that new pink lipstick that took you 30 minutes to muster up the courage to wear. I was blessed and overwhelmed by the texts, Facebook messages, and friendly visits today. Kindness & positivity is contagious, keep it going!!!

Thank you all. Really, it’s been the best one yet!

ūüíú Jess

Sometimes Kids Are The Teachers – Raising A Sensitive Boy

I wish I could tell you what it’s like watching you grow, what it’s like being your mom – raising you.¬†Putting it all in to words is so difficult, I never want you to look back and read my writings and misinterpret them. You are strong in many ways, you see¬†this life through a different lens – a sensitive¬†lens¬†and I love that about you. We need more¬†love in this world and your heart is the place it resides.

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The Scary Side of Heritage

We as a family had just lost my aunt to cancer. She realistically was my cousin, but if you grew up in an Italian family with a bunch of cousins that are old enough to be your parents – congratulations,¬†they are now your aunt or uncle. It’s a sign of respect.

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Children In Competitive Sports – Be A Parent First

Our weekends are full of sports. If we aren’t attending our own children’s sports we are most likely fighting the weather in one way shape or form watching our nephews. The kids were able to play baseball together this summer and their dads coached the teams. Once they moved in to the All-Star teams the whole dynamic changed. We went from family hangouts to listening to belligerent parents, sometimes coaches, and every so often we’d see a kid lose his/her cool on the field. My heart hurt for those children, so passionate about their sport.¬†Feeling every¬†ounce of their loss in their bones, sometimes bringing them to tears.

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Team MIMY Breast Cancer Chicken Dinner, Raffle, & Bake Sale Set for Today

Today October 6 the annual bake sale raffle is set to take place at Sherwin Willams on 165 Ray Avenue Ne New Philadelphia Ohio 44663. This year they excited to introduce the chicken dinner and are anticipating a huge success.

Area businesses and local residents donated great gifts for the raffle. “We have a great time and a lot of fun putting this event together but nothing is better then being able to give the proceeds to area residents currently fighting the fight.” The family said. “Please come out and support.”

Chicken Dinners are $10 with 2 sides included.

Event from 9 – 4 with chicken dinners beginning at Eleven.

ūüíú Jess

https://www.facebook.com/events/236586407210381/?ti=icl

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

We sent you off to your first day of preschool¬†today and watched your pony tail swing. I reminisced when you were growing in my belly and I was scared to death. I thought about that first time I walked into a store while still pregnant to buy you clothes and walked right back out because there was too much to choose from. I wasn’t sure if you were a girl or boy at the time but something inside of me just knew.

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My Life With You

I was standing behind the teller station at the bank in a denim quarter length skirt, a¬†blue button up shirt¬†with a¬†vest over top. My hair was down past my butt and newly permed. I had just gotten a new pair of fashion eyeglass frames –¬†that I was rocking.

He walked in, his aunt walked across the foyer to hug him and send him over to the desk to open a new¬†account. My friend Traci leaned in, that’s Josh – “isn’t he hot, his mom babysits my daughter”¬†I was blushing because Traci was way more blunt than I was at the time. He was “hot” to my 18-year-old self, but way out of¬†my comfort zone. He had on jeans with¬†an excessive amount of¬†holes in them with long johns underneath. A long sleeve long john shirt with his sleeves pulled up a quarter length just enough to show his biomechanical¬†tattoo arm¬†sleeve and a black hat that looked somewhat like a¬†conductors cap.¬† Nevertheless he was cute, but even the thought of a boy with tattoos would make my religious family crumble to the floor. At least I thought.

Some time had passed and I really didn’t think much about “the out of my¬†league guy” who strolled through the bank that day. His aunt (who I worked with) would tell me he asked about me a few times. A few weeks later I answered the door to a dozen pink roses being delivered. I figured they were for one of my step-sisters because they surely weren’t for me.

The card read, “To: Jess – Hi – From: Josh “From the Bank”

I looked at my step-dad and said “who the heck is Josh from the bank” and so began our love story…

I told my mom about this mysterious guy. I didn’t really know him except what my friends had told me. That he had an arm sleeve of tattoos which kind of turned me off. My mom said “now Jessi it’s not always about what’s on the outside, you might be the one who leads him to Christ.”

I was off and running after that.

Man, I fell head over heels for him, our first date he had me laughing so hard while he told the story of when he had a kidney stone and they gave him medicine to ease his pain. He said “I felt like Popeye eating spinach.” I had tears running down my face as I ate my baked ziti, the same baked ziti that he looked over at me and said “you got a little something hanging from your chin.” Traci & Travis made some jokes to help ease my embarrassment about the long stringy cheese dangling around but he just laughed. I was almost 19 when we officially started dating, little did I know this was going to be my future husband.

We dated for three years. In that first year he had an excessively demanding job. He would work¬†12-16 hour days, while driving back home two or three hours. He would come home shower, shave, eat and sleep. I would keep him company and then he’d be off again. He also had a child that was conceived before we met that was¬†a surprise. He took me to lunch at¬†Bob Evans¬†to break the news that this child may be his and he was going to start the paternity process. I was stunned as¬†I sat over my mashed potatoes while a tear ran down my face. “Please eat your food he said. If this isn’t the life you want with me I understand. I won’t be mad at you if you want this to end.” It was a few months later that the stress of all the countless hours of working, trying to keep our relationship alive, being a new dad, and his father passing away¬†resulted in him falling asleep at the wheel and driving his truck off a thirty foot cliff. He was life flighted when I received that call from an unknown number while I was heading to the state track meet. “Babe, I am in Cleveland. I was lifeflighted but I’m ok. Can you come get me?” I yelled at him for lying to me until I realized he was serious and started pacing around the room and crying.

I obviously cried a lot that first year.

We dated for¬†three years, those years were rougher then we like to admit and really don’t look back on much anymore. That part of our life seems like a distant memory, I stepped in to a life that was more than I bargained for and he married someone with polar opposite beliefs then he had. Our upbringings were a lot different: we know all that now. What we didn’t know is we were ying and yang and when merged together with stubbornness to the side we meshed seamlessly.

August 7th we will be married 8 years. We have three gorgeous children and as for the little one who had me shedding tears in my mashed potatoes¬†years ago, he is the first half that made us whole. We have found Christ and created a home that is ours. I’m on the front porch of our home,¬†sitting in¬†the chair that Josh built me for our 6th wedding anniversary. Drinking my coffee, watching the breeze blow through the flowers that he¬†works so hard to keep beautiful.¬†He found a job that gives him more time home with us and I drive school bus, which allows our family more time together. Through the last¬†ten years I have had the privilege of not only watching him grow in to a¬†father but also in to a husband.

After a decade of life together I just wanted to write this article to say we made it love.

Happy Anniversary.

ūüíú Jess

Can You Grow Here

A friend of mine left me with this¬†after we had our monthly phone call. She said, “but can you grow, if you decide this is the route you take, can you continue to grow?”¬†¬†She is smart, profound when she doesn’t realize it, and she helps me clean my house while we talk.

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A Mother’s Letter to Her Son

He said “I don’t want that sauce on my noodles, I just want salt and pepper and butter.” I encourage him to try the sauce first and if he didn’t like it then he could have just butter noodles. Inside my heart was smiling because I used to do the exact same thing when I was his age. I also used to chuck hot dogs out the sliding glass door in to the yard when I didn’t want to eat them but that’s a story for another day.

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Be Who You Needed When You Were Younger

I’m passionate about motherhood. I am so thankful for the small group of authentic friends I have formulated over the years because being a parent is hard. I feel like that is something society¬†can agree on as a whole. In this day in age where the stereotypical mom, dad, sister, brother is being challenged it makes it even harder.

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