Documenting memories for kids in foster care is an important way to ground their story and can be a gift to their families in the future. 

Longing of a Caregiver

There are two sides to the weight of memories and the lives of children in foster care. As their caregiver, I often wonder and even yearn to have known the kiddos when they were younger. What were their first steps like? How did their voice sound as they spoke their first words? What was their first day of school like? When did their little personalities start to shine? I can hear some of these things second hand, but it’s not the same as having been a part of it. No matter what happens in our future, there are always parts of their lives that will remain a mystery to me. 

 

Being Aware of Milestones

On the other hand, this makes me even more aware of the pain and longing their birth families must feel for them during these times. We’re on our second round of birthdays with our kids. Two first days of school for the older two. Our little man is approaching preschool age. We’ve lost some of our first teeth and had baseball games and dance recitals. I don’t want to take for granted that since I am experiencing these things with the kids, that means that others are not. 

Documenting Memories

There is an album on my phone that currently has 2,903 photos and 1,087 videos. In the 21 months they have been in our care I’ve done my best to document as much as I can. I love their little faces and catching their silly quirks. This is absolutely partly for me and the normal desire to capture these memories to look back on ourselves. However, I also am constantly aware that these phases and stages don’t last. The entire situation for kids in foster care is broken enough. 

 

The pain that their birth family feels is real. While I can’t change much, I can capture as many of these moments for them as I can. Then, when the time is right, they have something tangible to hold on to. Will it be mixed with pain and longing to have been present during these milestones? I’m sure it will. But as a foster parent it is my job to aim towards reconciliation in many forms. These photos and videos may be an important part of the family’s story one day. The kids and their birth mom may sit down and look through them together. It could be a chance for the kids to share stories and bring their family members into this part of their history they otherwise felt absent from. 

 

The Gift of Memories

As much as I want to document as much as I can as a gift for the kids’ birth family, I also want to provide the gift to the kids themselves. The realities of foster care cause children to loose so much of their childhood. There are toys and belongings left behind when moving houses. They have friends they didn’t get to say goodbye to and memories that are blurred in transition.

Having photos and videos to provide them as they get older will help ground them in their story. It’s tangible documentation of what they were doing, who they were with, what they enjoyed, and other pieces that can otherwise get jumbled when moving from home to home. Their experiences are very different from the child that has grown up in the same home with their birth family their entire lives. That grounding is essential to finding out who they are as they enter teen years and into adulthood. Documenting as much as I can is a small way that I can help prepare them for their future and set them up for success.