A Society That Values Kindness

They talk about the initial struggles of parenthood: a baby not sleeping through the night, a toddler not staying in their bed. As new parents, we read books, take in recommendations from doctors, and listen to advice from experienced parents who have been there done that. We think we’ll eventually figure it all out. We’ll learn how to address difficult situations and become “better” at parenting, and when they are 4, 5, 6-years old, we will be more knowledgeable and better equipped. We’ll be pros at this whole parenting thing, right?

Well, my son is 8 years-old, and though the challenges are new and different, they continue to arise. Do you know what I have found more difficult than navigating through infancy and toddlerhood? More trying than teething, sleepless nights, and potty training?

Heartbreak. Sadness. Confusion. I wasn’t prepared to see my child feeling these emotions. I thought the worst was over when my child was walking, talking, and hitting all the milestones that a child should. I survived it. He learned to sleep in his own bed. He learned how to dress himself and clean up his room.

My boy has always been sensitive. He has this ability to empathize with others, and he is kind-hearted and caring. I have always loved these personality traits. But, there’s a downfall. How do you teach a child to continue showing kindness in a world where everyone isn’t always kind in return?

My son wants to give money to every person he sees standing by the highway holding a sign. He wants to care for every creature he finds outdoors. He wants to invite every child in our neighborhood to our house to play. He just wants to give, and help, and love, but he doesn’t understand why some people don’t have those same urges.

It’s difficult to parent when your child gets to that point in life where he realizes that not everyone returns the kindness that is shown to them. My son was raised in a loving household with people who spent time with him, cared for him, and showed him how to treat people. He has grown up believing the world is a good place.

It’s hard when something not so good happens, and he comes to me asking why. “Why would someone leave a dog by the side of the road?” “Why do kids get bullied at school?” “Why do husbands hurt their wives?” “Why are people homeless?” “Why are there kids who don’t have a mom or a dad?” Why? Why? Why? We try to shield our children from seeing or hearing about certain happenings in the world, but they are flooded with this information from sources like social media and television. Now that my child is beginning to learn about negative events that occur in our society, he wants to know why.

It’s heartbreaking when our children are introduced to the bad in the world. As adults, we know that there are horrible, terrible things that occur every day, and we know that not every single situation can be roses and sunshine, but when our kids come to this realization, it’s sad.

And I have found the “why” questions to be the most difficult part of parenting because I don’t have all the answers. I am supposed to be the parent, the knower of all things, but I have faltered in my ability to answer these types of hard life questions. I don’t know what people are battling, and it is not my job to judge others. So, I tell my son that when dealing with adverse situations, just be kind. The boy at school pushed you today? He may not know another way to express his anger about things occurring at home that are out of his control. Be kind. I feel how we respond to others in these types of situations may influence others to think differently and, hopefully, change for the better.

I continue to encourage my son to show compassion and love others, but it’s hard when the world pushes back and contradicts my words. Even though we can’t put our children in a bubble (as much as we would like to) and keep them safe forever, away from all the hurt the world can inflict, we can provide them with the potential to heal instead of following in the footsteps of those who hurt. Imagine this type of influence on the world.

We know our children are going to experience tough moments and have to make difficult decisions. That’s inevitable; these help them grow and learn. As parents, we have the opportunity to mold our children’s attitudes and mindsets. Let’s do this by showing how to approach these situations with compassion, empathy, and grace. We teach our children about the golden rule. From an early age, we teach them to share, to hug, to say I love you, to be nice to other children. Let’s continue instilling these simple life lessons as they get older. This is what will make the difference.

Where, when, why does the negativity begin in one’s life? When does trauma, and mistreatment, and misfortune begin to affect a person’s personality? Every person would probably give a different answer based on their own life experiences. Everyone has a unique upbringing and childhood, but I believe that children learn from the influences surrounding them. I hope that we as parents can raise a generation of kind children. I hope can we can stop the trend of “this is just how life is” and “this is how the world works.” I refuse to accept that. I refuse to accept that certain people are inherently mean and cruel. They aren’t. We need to raise children who will change this perception, and ultimately, change the future of humanity. People say children need to experience the real world. Let’s change what the real world looks like, parents. Let’s create a society that values kindness. Let’s live our lives as a model to our children.

How can we model kindness in our everyday lives? What does that look like?

Praise someone for a job well done. Offer to hold the door for a stranger. Take the time to listen to others when they speak. Give someone a genuine compliment. Invite a new co-worker to have coffee. Instead of becoming angry, handle frustrating situations with calmness and patience. Help a child learn something new. Say hello to your neighbors. Change the plans you had to help someone in need. Take time out of your day to tell someone you love them or care about them. Say positive words to your spouse and kids. Be respectful to the server when you go out to eat. Spend quality time with others. Express gratitude. Provide encouragement and support. Be accepting of others who have different backgrounds and circumstances. Forgive.

Just love others, even when it’s difficult. Those people who may be the hardest to love are often the ones who need it the most.

Let us see the good in people. Because, if we do, so will our children.

I believe it’s hard for a child who has grown up surrounded by loving adults to understand that not everyone’s childhoods are the same. It is hard for a child who is warm and caring to understand that not everyone is able to express these types of positive emotions because of what they have been through in life. So, let’s encourage our children to be understanding and patient with others. My son and I often have conversations about destructive behaviors that have been displayed by others, and I tell him that people may act negatively because they are hurting inside, and they aren’t quite sure how to make themselves feel better. They may say mean things because that’s how they have been spoken to. They may hurt others because they themselves have been hurt. We can teach our children to attempt to understand someone’s situation before judging their actions. We can teach them to see from others’ perspectives. The more we speak about empathy and kindness with our children, the easier it will become for them to practice these in their everyday lives. Then, maybe, our children can become a small light for someone who has only been able to see darkness.

Of course, my son and I discuss about his grades and his classes. Those aspects of life are important. But, the first question I ask at the end of the school day is, “what is something kind you did for someone else today?” I am always extremely proud when my son brings home As on a test or makes the honor roll. What parent wouldn’t be? But, when he tells me a story about how he and his friends invited the new student to play dodge ball with them at recess, those are the stories that make me smile. Those stories bring hope. Let’s talk with our kids about all of the ways they can be kind, every day, in big ways or small. I believe these are the conversations that matter, and these are conversations that will change the world for our children and help our children change the world.