Has your child been begging for a sleepover, but you’re not sure they’re ready? You are not alone. It turns out that parents have found a compromise that gives kids all the sleepover fun without the stress and worry that comes with actually sleeping away from home: The sleepunder.
What is a Sleepunder?
An article in Motherly explains, “…a sleepunder is a sleepover… minus the sleeping over. Kids still get to enjoy all the benefits associated with a sleepover: playing games, eating tons of snacks and food, watching movies, wearing their pajamas and staying up late-ish. But, before the night is said and done, parents can pick their kids up to sleep in the safety of their own homes.”
Why Choose the Sleepunder Option?
Parents have many reasons to be apprehensive about sleepovers. Children don’t always feel comfortable away from home and parents might not know the adults in the household well. Risks from a lack of supervision can be worrisome and the lingering, but not unsubstantiated fears of abuse or assault can lead to an aversion to sleepovers.
In fact, Eli Harwood, trauma and attachment therapist, is a sleepover skeptic. She writes, “according to the CDC 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys experience childhood sexual abuse. And of those sexual abuse cases, 91% of them come from someone the family knows. And 33% of them occur at the hands of other minors. Unfortunately, the reality is that key ingredients for sexual abuse makes a sleepover a particularly vulnerable setting for such things.”
In addition to parents’ anxieties, children may have worries about sleeping over as well. Harwood writes in ScaryMommy,
“The sleep-under also helps to include our highly sensitive kids who struggle with overnight separation or bed-wetting. This set of kids is usually left to decline the invitation, keeping them from the bonding of the event. Or, if a parent does decide to send them to the party, they likely have a separation meltdown or an accident clean-up in front of their friends and need to be picked up early.”
How to Prepare Your Child for a Sleepunder
Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, Inc., gives some advice about how to prepare your child for a sleepunder:
1. Stand by your decision
While it’s easy for your child to try to convince you of all the reasons why they should be able to stay the night elsewhere, Fitzgerald stated that parents should stand firm in their decision.
2. Have your kid prepared
What’s a better way to send your kid off to a sleepunder than having them already ready? This way, there’s less chance of running into unnecessary situations.
3. Be aware of where the sleepunder is being hosted
Even though your child isn’t staying the night, it’s still important to have information about who is hosting the sleepunder.
4. Assure your child that they can be leave at anytime
One thing you want to make sure you do is let your child know that they don’t have to stay any longer than they want to be there. In the case that they get uncomfortable, nervous, or just are simply ready to come home, you should assure them that you’re a phone call away.
5. Have a conversation about bodily autonomy
A huge risk associated with sleepovers is sexual abuse. Having a conversation with your kids beforehand can make them more prepared if an uncomfortable situation arises.
6. Calm your anxiety
It’s not always easy for parents to leave their child under someone else’s supervision—even if just for a few hours. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be done! Taking small steps can help you to become more at ease when your child is going over a friend’s house.
7. Have a family safe word
“Create a family codeword or code question that your child can use on the phone with you in case they want to get picked up right away, but aren’t sure how to say it in front of the other kids and adults,” Fitzgerald advised.
Host Your Own Epic Sleepunder
If you would prefer to host your own sleepunder, TheBash.com has some great ideas and tips for planning the fun:
Step 1: Choose a Kids Party Theme
Step 2: Book Entertainment [or plan…]
Step 3: Plan Kid-Favorite Food and Drinks
Step 4: Party Favors