Making the decision to have another child is a personal decision that my husband and myself have really struggled with. Our son was tough.
And I mean like diagnosed with colic at only a month old, only sleeping 2 hours at a time, formula sensitive, felt like I was failing tough. So when my best friend had a baby (who is an absolute perfect angel) a few months ago, the baby fever hit, HARD.
My husband and I decided that it’s now or never. Thus began a month of planning, downloaded apps and lots of ovulation predictor kits. I work at an infertility clinic where we specialize in getting people pregnant. I have a wealth of knowledge and support at my fingertips, in which I bombarded my colleagues with questions. I couldn’t believe I was doing this! Another baby! I’m so excited!
I had it all planned out in my head. Get pregnant by the end of August, be pregnant fall/winter and then have the baby in May and enjoy the summer with some time off work!
I’m at work one day and it seemed like every patient that came in were getting the great news confirmed that they were pregnant. They are elated, overcome with joy, as they should be!! But something ‘pings’ in my chest. I look at my calendar and it’s September 3rd. I want to cry.
Why am I not pregnant yet? Could there be something wrong? I need to calm down. It’s only been a month. But realization hits me and I feel embarrassed. People struggle with getting pregnant and sometimes never achieve it. That little ‘ping’ I felt, some might feel that anytime I walk past them with my son at the grocery store. I need to be grateful.
Things don’t go as planned. They RARELY go as planned. You don’t know what anyone is going through just by looking at someone or passing them in the street. Be mindful, be respectful. I’ve learned there’s a time and place for everything. And there’s been plenty of times where I felt not good enough, or that there was something wrong with me.
So whatever journey you’re on right now.. there’s no definitive ending. No one knows anything anything for certain. Keep your head up, and don’t assume anyone feels a certain way at any given minute.
