Can You Grow Here

A friend of mine left me with this after we had our monthly phone call. She said, “but can you grow, if you decide this is the route you take, can you continue to grow?”  She is smart, profound when she doesn’t realize it, and she helps me clean my house while we talk.

That alone is profound.

In all seriousness that one little quote kick-started my wheels.

There is always times in life when your straight and narrow takes a deep sharp turn and you’re left standing in the trenches painfully searching for a heart compass. My heart compass at times resides in my friends. Ashlee is my voice of reason who sometimes contradicts with my other friend – Timberly – who is my absolute voice of passion. I’m lucky to have the both of them to balance myself. They both have been in the trenches with me and even though Ash & I’s relationship at this point in our life literally is a monthly phone call to catch up, and an occasional run-in at the strangest places. She is one of my very best friends. Time and distance haven’t changed that one bit.

I recently started a new job, we have baseball, we have the end of school activities, I have housework, dinner, parenting, being a wife, being a mom, being a stepmom, paying the bills, grocery shopping, and frankly, I’m in shut down mode. One of the above-mentioned responsibilities is sending me in to fight or flight mode and it changes on a daily basis. I replay my friend’s wisdom – can you grow here?- No, I can not. I set small goals like finishing the laundry and cleaning the kitchen and step by step I am creating a stronger more functioning environment that places me back in fight mode. I start to adopt healthier coping mechanisms like running and writing and get out of my “hibernating turtle mode.”

Do turtles hibernate? I don’t know – but that’s how I feel when I’m not getting anything accomplished.

There will always be times that you want to go lay in your bed and not wake until the storm is over. You’re allowed to have bad days, you’re allowed to say today I just need to close my eyes for a little while, you’re allowed to let your house go to crap while you juggle the rest of your responsibilities-  JUST DONT STAY THERE.

The thing I don’t allow myself to do is to live in that place where I run from the future because the present is just too overwhelming. I won’t allow myself to neglect my children, my housework, and my life responsibilities just because the storm is getting heavier. What I will do, is put one foot in front of the other, lean on my core group of friends that have known me since birth and listen to them when they shed some light from the outside. I will listen when my sweet mother says “this too shall pass” and my friend says “can you grow here.” It’s been a rough couple of months but I still see the good in the world and the people I have to always help lift me up in their prayers and their words.

Thank you to great friends and family who are always just a phone call away. Mom’s hang in there, and always have a few special friends that can slow your spinning world just with a simple phone call.

💜 Jess

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