I could not find magic in the world so I made my own

I have always been fascinated by magic. Something about how even the most basic of magicians could suck me in and leave me in awe. As I grew, I learned some of the tricks and could spot the slight of hand. But to this day when I see a magician and I cannot spot the tricks it takes my breath away. I have a guilty pleasure of watching magicians on TV and YouTube. I remember being little and hearing stories of Merlin and thinking it was the most magical thing that I have ever heard. I could not get enough of the world’s oldest magicians, or wizards as they once were called.

Age though has the ability to taint things. To bang us up and leave us in a place that magic can be disguised, and we miss it entirely. We all find ourselves in this place at one time or another. I found myself here in my mid 20’s. I forgot about Merlin and all he inspired. I could not see the magic happening all around me. I could not even remember a time when I did see it, or that it ever existed.

Then the fall of 2011 left me with a baby girl. I looked at this little human (but HUGE baby) and thought where did you come from? I made this?!? I created an entire human being inside my body! This woke something and I could not believe that she existed in the world.

This little human will be 10 this year. She has her own thoughts and her own feelings. She has a whole world inside her head, and it is magic! The sound of her laughter makes my heart light. When she talks about the ideas that swirl in her head at night way past bedtime, I am spell bound. When she discusses her goals, her hopes and dreams it literally takes my breath away.

I find myself staring at her wondering how she exists in the world. I cannot believe that I made her! I made magic happen. I created a whole person and now she is in the world and she is doing things. As her 6-year-old self screamed at a nature preserve in Nashville one time when asked her goals in life…. “she is doing all the damn things”! And she is doing them in grand fashion.

I have spent the last 10 years re awakening to the magic all around me. Watching squirrels play in a tree. Feeling the arms of people, I love wrapped around me. The sun coming up while I drink my morning tea. My pets being excited to see me when I walk through the door. At the end of a long day pulling my covers up and sinking into a deep sleep. How amazing each member of my family is and how they show up no matter how hard it is.

I can still watch magic for hours! I still gravitate to stories with wizards and magicians. I however now know that I can create my own magic. As I kiss my special magic good night, I smile knowing Merlin has nothing on me.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: