The Confidence to Read

I’ve always been an avid reader. Books make me incredibly happy, and my favorite hobby is relaxing in a bubble bath with a good book. I love the feeling of opening a brand new book, wondering what I’m about to explore within the words, and I get satisfaction out of finishing a book and placing it on my bookshelf as an addition to my collection.

This is why I have always read to my son; I wanted to instill a love of reading from a young age. As a toddler, he would me bring books, sit on my lap, and wait to be read to. We spent so much time reading, and we bonded over this. I made sure I read to him every single night before he fell asleep as I understand the benefits of daily reading for children, but also because it brought me joy to know that my child loved the sound of my voice reading his favorite stories to him.

This habit started when he was a baby, continued into toddlerhood, and held on as he got older until suddenly, reading became a chore. It started in 2^nd grade. My son began to struggle in school, mainly with reading. So, reading became a nightly obligation instead of the pleasure it had once been. We were encouraged by teachers to read nightly, to go over sight words nightly, to write out spelling words nightly. And I was willing to do all of it because I had the shared goal of helping my son learn how to read effectively.

As a parent, you want your child to do well in school, and you do what you can to help your child reach his full potential. You take advice from parent teacher conferences and incorporate it into your evening routine. You read articles and books about how to teach your child reading skills. You hire a tutor, so your child receives extra assistance. And you do these things because it is hard to see your child struggle with anything in life, and as parents, we do what we can to make it easier, to help them. One of the hardest parts of motherhood has been watching my son work extremely hard at school and still fall behind his classmates because I know he notices his classmates doing different work, and I know he notices that he attends special classes and groups that are different than his friends. And even though I know it is all to help him improve, I know it hurts his confidence to know he not up to the level of his peers.

So, when once reading was fun and something my child looked forward to each night, it suddenly became stressful and frustrating. I watched him lose his love of literature, and it broke my heart. I want books to be for him all of things they are for me – magical, thrilling, powerful. But, when he feels obligated to read, when he feels like he can’t read like he is “supposed to” read, he is not going to find those things within the pages of books. He is going to feel tested with each book instead of just enjoying a book for what it is.

So, my son began to associate books with difficulty and struggle. We both disliked reading in the evenings. I felt like I was forcing something, and he felt the pressure of learning how to read at the level he was required to. The priority became sight words, reading comprehension, word sounds, and context clues. And, don’t get me wrong, all of these are extremely important. He has had the most amazing teachers, and they are the main reason he is at where he is today regarding academics, but he still has always found these aspects of reading very trying and difficult to learn.

Because reading became schoolwork, I was missing the connection my son and I shared through reading. It became academic, repetitive, and tedious, but we both knew it had to be done. I always thought that us reading books when he was younger was just what we did for fun, and I didn’t understand the bond it created between us until my son no longer wanted to read with me. I hated how I would tell him it was time to read, and he would look tired and defeated from an already long day spent working and learning.

Books encourage critical thinking, empathy, social skills, morals and values, good decision making, and so many other skills in helping children succeed. But, along with these skills, I want my son to be able to discover new worlds, meet new people, take different perspectives, learn about the past, and gain valuable life lessons through books. I want him to be able to let his imagination soar, but this has been difficult when the focus is decoding words. When my son wasn’t able to get past that part, he wasn’t interested in the rest.

He would consistently ask, “Do we have to?” And I realized I was just as happy when we were done reading as he was because it was long and exhausting, and no one was having a good time doing it.

He is in the 3^rd grade now, and he initially had the same trouble with reading. But, something has changed. My son has gained a new confidence in himself. I’ve watched him gain this new sense of confidence as he recognizes the growth and improvements he has made. He sees himself getting better and better at reading each day, and he is proud of himself. Again, with the amazing teachers – they have shown him nothing but praise, kindness, and encouragement, and for that, I will be forever grateful.

About a month ago, I picked him up from school, and he told me, “We got a second recess today.” I figured he was super excited to go outside and spend extra time with friends until he continued, “I didn’t play. I just read my book.” Instantly, I thought what’s wrong? My kid…reading instead of playing outside? Something must have happened to make him not want to join the other kids. So, I asked him about it.

And his response was, “I can read the words and understand my book now. The book was so good I didn’t want to put it down.”

I was speechless.

My son had not read a book in at least two years that he was not required or asked to, and here he was at recess, reading for fun. At that point, it registered that he didn’t hate reading; he just lost his confidence in reading and needed to get it back. And, he finally did.

So, we’ve been practicing our old habit of reading together before bed, and we both look forward to this quality one-on-one time each night. My son loves all things gross and all things zombie-related, so we have been curling up under our blankets at night and reading Plants vs. Zombies graphic novels and Goosebumps books. I have found myself enjoying these as much as he does, and they are so fun to read together. We giggle, and make faces at each other, and get creeped out together, and best of all, we connect over books again.

And, all it took was my son recognizing that he can do it. He had the power and the knowledge all along, influenced by many individuals who greatly care for him. Over time, he gained the skills to read words, but he also gained the confidence to read books. And, this has made all the difference. We must remember to build up our children, to encourage them, to praise them because these are the things that will push them to believe in themselves and exceed their own expectations. We can’t do the work for them, but we can be consistent reminders that they have the power within them to do anything.

I no longer hear “Do we have to?”

Now, I get to listen to my son saying, “Just one more chapter? Keep reading. I love it.”