Confucius said, “The most beautiful sight in the world is a child going confidently down the road of life after you have shown him the way.”
It does seem that we spend all of our child-rearing days teaching our children how to leave us one day. But how do we know we’ve properly prepared them to face the world on their own? This question prompted us to put together some tips that can help assure that your child is ready to leave the next and able to succeed at whatever he or she sets out to do. As you read through them, we think you’ll find, as we did, that we perform many of the tasks that go into preparing our children without even being aware of it. So you’ve already started doing it!
Here are our ten tips for helping your child be ready to leave when the time comes to do so.
1.) Never do for your children that which they can do for themselves. When we first bring home our little bundles of joy, we have to do everything for them. But as they grow and learn, they develop the ability to do all kinds of things. Depending on their age and maturity levels, kids can do everything from putting away their toys to getting their own glass of water to washing the dinner dishes. In fact, we find that most children are able to perform many tasks before their parents realize or allow it. The biggest obstacle to children doing things for themselves is often the parent’s inability to accept that it may not be done perfectly. For instance, when a child is old enough to pour the juice, he should pour his own juice. He may spill a few drops, but that should be allowed as works to develop greater dexterity. Sarah’s children started doing their own laundry when they were teenagers. Our advice? If you’re worried that your children are too young to do something on their own, do a reality check. Are they really too young, or are you just worried they won’t perform up to adult standards?
2.) Let your kids make mistakes. In keeping with our first tip, let your kids do things wrong the first time—or the first several times. Kids, like most of us, learn best by doing. And when doing new things, mistakes will be made. We know how hard it is to let our children fail once in a while or learn that they’ve made a bad decision. Our nurturing and protective natures make us want to save our children from ever failing or being hurt. But, it’s been said that we learn much more from our mistakes than from our successes. So let your kids err—after all, it’s human. And turn those errors into opportunities for learning. It’s much better for them to learn from mistakes made while they’re young than to fail when they’re older and the stakes are much higher.
3.) Offer them choices. Don’t just dictate every single food your children eat, every program they watch on TV or every game they play. Let them choose. This may not work so well with all things at all ages, but you can easily let a young child occasionally choose what they want for lunch or make other age-appropriate choices. You might start out with an A or B choice about what they want for a snack. You might, at some point, let them choose the colors they want in their bedroom. Just remember to make them stick to whatever choice they make. If your teen wants a purple bedroom and then hates it, oh well. They need to learn to live with the decisions they make. And they need to practice doing that while they’re young and bad choices don’t threaten to cause permanent damage to their lives.
4.) Teach problem-solving skills. Effective problem-solving skills are key to a child’s future success. And good parents don’t just give their child all the answers; they help her arrive at the answers on her own. So don’t be a “helicopter parent.” Don’t spoon-feed your children the solutions to every problem they encounter. Instead, encourage them to play creatively—after all, play is a child’s work. And playing involves problem-solving. Teach them how to solve their own problems by walking them through the process. If your child is routinely missing the bus, help him identify the things he is doing that make him run late every morning. Then help him figure out how to stop doing those things and develop a more efficient routine. If you take the time now to teach problem-solving skills, you’ll be thrilled later when they don’t call you as adults every time they have a problem.
5.) Teach respect and responsibility. Make sure your kids learn to respect others—ALL others, not just those they agree with or like. Respecting others leaves a mind open to learning, changing and growing. Teaching them to take responsibility for their actions is just as important since, as we mentioned before, we learn more from our mistakes than from our successes. Plus, no one really likes or respects a person who always blames others.
6.) Encourage volunteering/helping others. A friend of ours has a son who, when he was turning five, had a birthday party where he asked guests to donate to a cause rather than bring gifts. I would have thought that was an impossible idea. What five-year-old is going to forego birthday presents in favor of helping others less fortunate? But it worked! And a ton of people showed up to support Henry’s chosen charity. Asking children to volunteer is a relatively new idea. But it’s a great one. In fact, most high school students now have to accumulate a certain number of community service hours in order to graduate. So start teaching the value of volunteering and performing tasks that benefit others when your children are young. They’ll get into the habit quickly and learn that helping others can be a truly rewarding experience.
7.) Teach relationship skills. Turn off those phones, laptops and video games! Encourage (maybe require?) your children to communicate with other members of the family. Our earliest social and relationship skills are learned at home. If not, it leaves a huge void. Children who can’t foster and maintain successful relationships will find it difficult to get ahead in school, work or life. Sarah has a solid rule that she reinforces at her house: everyone sits down together for dinner, no matter what. It’s the one time of day when they are sure to talk with each other and share both their problems and their joys. it’s when she can learn what’s really happening in their lives, and they can see what’s happening in hers. What the kids don’t know is that they are developing relationship skills that will help them throughout their entire lives. There are lots of ways to help your child develop relationship skills and you need to be willing to put them in social situations such as parties. Helping your child throw a party for their friends complete with birthday party favors and games is a great way to help them build relationships even from a young age.
8.) Prepare them to enter the workforce. So many things we do every day can either prepare our children for the workforce or not. Teaching them to take responsibility for their own actions is one way to prepare them. Teaching them to take direction, accept constructive criticism, be curious, have a positive attitude and interact with others in a productive manner are also important. These are the social skills they can learn at home and that are so important when interviewing or holding a job.
9.) Communicate with them about after-high school plans. Start talking to them early about their after-graduation plans. We don’t mean in grade school or middle school—not that early. But sometime during their freshman or sophomore year. Some people may think that is waiting too long, but we are of the belief that kids are asked to decide what they want to do with the rest of their lives long before they are mentally capable of truly making such a decision. In fact, it could be argued that kids aren’t ready to make that decision until they’re out of high school. But our society doesn’t function that way, so we have to play along. Or do we? A lot is being said lately about teens who take a “gap year” — a year off between high school graduation and starting college. Arguments can be made pro and con. The biggest benefit to taking a gap year is that it gives the teenager time to experience the “real world” and, perhaps gain a better understanding of themselves and what they want in life, which could very well point them to an entirely different career choice than the one they first made. On the other hand, that year off could actually discourage some teens from enrolling in college later, as they move away from a learning mindset and become entrenched in the work force. It seems the correct answer can only lie with the individual. So communicate with your kids. Make sure they talk through their choices with you.
10.) Mold them into confident young people who can take on the world. There are so many subtle—and not-so-subtle—ways to raise confident children who are leaders. Filling a child’s heart with love goes a long way toward instilling the self-esteem necessary to become a confident adult. But we can also instill an entrepreneurial spirit in our kids by encouraging them to start a lawn-mowing, babysitting or other money-making enterprise. We also recommend steering your kids toward extra-curricular activities. After school sports have long been credited with building leadership skills, but so do speech and debate teams, drama club, academic clubs and any other activity that allows children to succeed among their peers. Don’t try to force your children into any particular activity. Let them choose their own path, and the chances of success are far greater.
If you’ve read this post all the way to this point, you are definitely ahead of the game. Your interest in learning more about how to help your child get ahead already increases his chances of doing so. We hope you’ll try out some of the ideas presented here, and we wish you and your children all the best as you both take on the world!