Encouragement from a Foster Dad: Love Them Anyways

After being recently reminded to “love them anyways”, Correy offers some encouragement from a Foster Dad to parents feeling weary.

Giving Advice

Several months ago we were at a friends house getting ready to enjoy some good food together. I remember feeling stressed, tired, beat up, and on the verge of burn out. At that time it was exactly one year since four amazing and broken kiddos came into our lives. It all felt like a dream and I couldn’t remember the last time I had a moment to myself or a good night of sleep. While enjoying the company, I received a text from someone asking what to do with a frustrated friend. While I read the text out loud, my friend pointed at their sign above their table. I took a picture of it and sent it as my reply. Nothing else needed said.

Taking it Personal

Then, in that same moment, I applied this to my life. Personally, I tend to ask a lot of questions. I was taught years ago that If I didn’t receive the right answer, its because I didn’t ask the right question. Questions are powerful and as I processed these words, I asked myself a lot of questions…

What do you do when three broken children come to your home and they are afraid of you because of their trauma?

You love them anyway.

How about when it feels like they want nothing to do with you? When you feel like you could live in the basement and they would be okay with it?

Love them anyway.

How do you respond when it feels like all you do is wash dishes, clean up, do laundry, and repeat but it feels like they don’t care?

Make sure to love them anyway.

What do you do when you feel abandoned from people you were close with because they no longer know how to relate to your life?

Love them anyway.

How do you proceed with people in your life that say things like, : “Well, you chose this…” when you know they mean well but it still stings when you’re struggling?

Just love them anyway.

What about when it feels like all four of the kids just want your wife no matter what you do? When it feels that they love her more, that’s how it’s going to be?

You love them anyway.

Getting Deeper

What do you do when you haven’t connected with your wife in forever? That while you both are stressed out, beat up, and exhausted you can’t seem to connect? When it feels like you argue more than talk? And when you try to get some kind of quality time together, something with the kids comes up that needs attention?

Love her anyway.

How do you respond when you feel tricked by God? What about when you feel like this is all going to end in failure and you were set up to lose from the beginning of your fostering journey? When your chugging away and feel like you’ve been abandoned by God? While all you hear are lies filled with deflating and disappointing fear?

Just love Him anyway.


You see, a lot of these questions have truth in them, but lies have a way of coming into your mind and trying to defeat you all together. Jesus modeled how to respond when he was mistreated, beaten up, and mocked. His demonstration of love and forgiveness is the ultimate standard of what we need to do and who we need to become.  Without His truth and grace in my life, I would not have made it this far.

When I surrendered my life to His will and His way, I experienced a love that was overwhelmingly amazing. I developed a healthy fear of who he is as King with an unconditional love from Him as a Father. I continue to learn His friendship as we keep saying yes to what He has for our family. You wanna know who showed me His kind of love and integrity in my life? My Mom.

My Mom

When I was ungrateful and took advantage of all the grace she showed me in my life…

She loved me anyway.

During times when I thought my world was over and I just wanted to give up…

My mom loved me anyway.

When I thought I knew better and didn’t take her advice… Specifically feeling that, sure, she had good opinions and all, but my way were better and I’d show her…

She loved me anyway.

When she literally did piles of laundry every day, fed us daily, and fought for my siblings and I every second of everyday…

That strong woman loved me anyway.

In the moments when I took my anger out at her because of all the pain, trauma, and brokenness I felt from the dads that were supposed to be there, but weren’t, and left me abandoned and abused…

My mother loved me anyway.

The Influence of a Mother
Over the years with my mom.

My strong and loving momma was able to love and forgive, because she knew the ultimate love and forgiveness that Jesus gave to us on the cross. I believe there is no greater mission field than being mother. I encourage you to keep going. Don’t give up. You may not see results in the moment, but you are planting seeds. It might not feel like it has rained in a very long time. Like all you’re doing is waking up and plowing the field. My whisper to you is… keep going and don’t give up. Every kid needs a mom, every child needs a safe person. There’s a reason our two year old cries out “Mamma” when he’s in pain, has a need, or just needs comfort…it’s because mom’s were created to show how to simply love them anyway.

Dads, I pray and hope we can step up daily and do the same.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” — Luke 23:34

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