How Does That Make You Feel? Momfession.

Four years ago, I began going to therapy every week after my son died. I needed it… desperately.

It was my hour a week that I could completely break down and process what was going on around me in a world that didn’t feel normal anymore.

A year later, I stopped going.

My health insurance went up and I didn’t really connect with my therapist at that point. I felt myself not pouring my heart out and figured I learned enough tricks to cope with my anxiety and depression. Interestingly enough, I should have just found another therapist because life is hard.

I went through pregnancy after loss, an awful breakup, and just general trauma since I’ve stopped going to therapy. Life has been busy too. Work, school, and parenting a two year old has me constantly moving.

But, two months ago, I found myself in an odd position.

A crossroad was placed in front of me of continuing the abusive cycle I’ve lived for the last three years or the harder task of relearning how to live life again. Both are scary and one takes you completely out of your comfort zone, but I knew what I had to do. My daughter needed me to be the mom she deserves. I wanted to see the sunshine when we picked flowers in the backyard and feel the music when we danced in the living room. I wanted to feel confident in my decision and like I could breathe easy again. My life is important and how I feel dictates how I live it. There was no way I could let myself fall into the same trap of the past.

So, I made the jump and chose me.

Since that decision,  I’ve been going to therapy once a week. I’ve made the time for me and my mental health to get better. It was so scary to actually make the decision and sometimes I’m afraid of what’s going to come up. Vulnerability is not a comfortable state.

And yet, I’ve start noticing subtle changes.

It isn’t easy to make the decision to go to therapy or even really talk about it. We live in a world where we want everyone to think everything is perfect in our lives. Most of the time it isn’t and there’s nothing wrong with getting help. It doesn’t make a person weak or ‘crazy.’ There isn’t any shame in going either. Talking about what’s going on in your head to a qualified person is healthy and helps you become a better you.

Why am I sharing a small part of my experience with therapy this time around?

Collectively, our world has drastically changed, not even adding on what’s going on in someone’s personal life. This unpredictable and unknowing future causes a lot of strain on everyone. That on top of personal struggles and what’s happened in the past can have a person feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed.

Carving out one hour a week to talk through everything has made me a better mom, friend, and person in general. I’m being nicer to myself by recognizing there’s a lot of healing to be done. The world feels like quicksand, but having that space helps me find a way out. I’m not saying it’s a cure all because you have to do the work to get into a better place, but if you want to take the steps to get there, therapy helps.

How does that make you feel?

Therapy isn’t the cure all solution. Obviously or everyone would be praising it. It’s scary to open up about needing help and actually going. Honestly though, I feel better. Talking about my therapist and what she says helps me. Every week, I do the assignments or suggestions she tells me and it makes me feel better. It’s allowing me to feel everything and guiding me how to level it all out.

It makes me feel good.

On top of that, I’ve learned that you deserve to feel your best self. No matter if you have a ton of people counting on you or just yourself. Mental health is important.

I believe in you and support whatever decision you make to be the best you.

Importantly, I believe in me and the work I’m putting in too.

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