Climbing into bed, finding that perfect position that carries your worries and stresses away into dreamland as you drift fast asleep…something that seems like only a memory once you’re a parent. At least…for a nursing mom anyway.
My boyfriend is a FANTASTIC dad and my best friend, but each time I witness his peaceful rest I inevitably get this overwhelming annoyance that takes over my entire being.
I remember when I was able to catch a quick cat nap on a Saturday afternoon. There used to be a time when I was able to sleep far past the rise of the golden sun and well into the late morning on a Sunday. It seems those moments have come and gone for this breastfeeding momma as I am up at the first whimper from the monitor nestled closely to my pillow. Be that at 9:00 p.m., 2:00 a.m., or on a lucky day…6:30 in the morning.
My SO is a good looking man. Tall, dark and handsome as they say. My prince charming and the man of my dreams. But, I find myself desperately envious of his peaceful sleepy face so much so that I despise his long eyelashes as they fall softly against his upper cheeks. I cringe at the sound of his calm, deep breathing as he drifts far away from the crying, fussy baby in my arms.
Of all the things I am learning in my time as a mother, one is by far the amount of anger one can feel with the sound of a snore. Not because the loud rattling is keeping me from catching a few Zs myself, but rather the fact that I’m awake to hear it! The jealousy I feel knowing how well he must really be sleeping…is pretty incredible.
The warm glow of the sun seems to awake my handsome man as it does a princess in a fairy tale. Birds seem to chip just to see his restful smile and his eyes glitter with the hope of a new day. While I am instead of the wicked witch that desires a dark cave and quiet.
But, all-in-all…the long, sleepless nights come to an end. The lack of sleep and plentiful stresses will subside. I too will once again experience this thing many call sleep. I too will once again sleep in on a Sunday.
I remind myself that while all the bad will get better…all the good will eventually have come and gone. While there will always be a new chapter in the life of mommy-hood that brings joy and happiness to my life, I will one day miss those middle of the night whimpers that mean my little girl just wants her mommy.
So, for now, I will find humor in my new role as the wicked witch with a desire to bring only darkness to princess dad’s magical dreamland and rob him of the rest he so peacefully seeks and make it my own.