When It Is Your Circus and These Are Your Monkeys

Some days parenting toddlers is just hard.

I’m going to be real honest here. We have 3 girls under 4 years old, 3 year old twin sisters and their “baby” sister, who is just 14 months younger, so very close in age..SISTERS. They “share” all their toys, blankets, stuffed animals, etc. and they all have their own likes and dislikes, opinions..you know how opiniated 2 & 3 year olds are, don’t you? Or at least maybe you know how much sisters can fight with each other over basically nothing.

So our house sounds like a wild goose chase or a three ring circus most days. I also should let you in on the fact that we also have a screamer/yeller. Our 2 year old screams when she’s mad, when she’s upset, when she’s tired, even when she’s talking sometimes, you know that kind of high pitch scream that makes you squint your face all up & wait for it to be over? (Yes, that one) Were always telling her to stop yelling and my husband asks me often if she needs her ears checked.

She can hear. Trust me.

However, I can’t imagine how our neighbors feel about the sounds they hear coming from our house sometimes especially this time of year as I love to have my windows open for fresh air. Well I say all of this to just let you have a glimpse of our days and how beautifully chaotic it can be, and if I’m still being honest, even stressful. With all the questions asked a minimum of 10x each, demands for more snacks, fighting over toys and who gets to pick the cartoon this time, attending to the meltdown over who took the baby doll, feeling like a jury trying to figure out who wrote on the wall then googling how to get if off, it will eventually test your patience and the source of your peace, no matter who you are.

Today was a day that has ended with me feeling…well, simply put: tired and defeated. Defeated as a mom in this crazy and blessed life we live. Defeated and disappointed about myself as a wife, a child of God, a friend, a sister, a daughter. I have days like this sometimes when I just don’t feel like I’m doing or being enough for the people I love.

Once everyone is asleep, I sometimes torture myself by replaying what I didn’t make time to do today, about how differently I could have handled a tantrum, how I should have been more gentle in my response to our children, or how I should have offered more grace than I did when my daughter did something I told her not to do. The kind of grace, I know I need more than anyone else in our house, so why is it sometimes that I hold onto it so tightly instead of being quick to continually give it? A simple answer is that were human & were all sinners in need of grace and forgiveness that Jesus Christ offers each of us because even when we are wanting and striving to be more like Jesus, somedays we just come up short.

So tonight I stop beating myself up over how today went and I bring it to the feet of Jesus and pray this prayer once again:

“Lord forgive me. Help me to be more of the mother and the wife you’ve created me to be. Tell me again who I am in you and remind me again and again of who YOU say I am: loved, worthy, chosen, that I have a purpose, that I am redeemed, that I need you more than anything or anyone else. Forgive me Jesus for putting everything before you and help me tomorrow to wake up with a new set of eyes on these blessings and miracles you have given us. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that my soul knows very well.”

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