Shopping Cart 1, Momma 0

A glimpse into this mom’s life: Before my right knee graces the floor, my body turns cold.

TiffSunday morning, I picked Crue and Hadley up from my mom’s after they spent the night.

Once they were all loaded up, I asked if they wanted to go to the store and get a couple new outfits (I wanted to take advantage of the tax-free weekend, and Crue is to start preschool in a few short weeks).

They seemed excited and the following direction relatively well, so I thought, “yeah! I can handle these two kids, no prob!”
Uneventfully, we arrived at Kohl’s department store. Holding both of their hands, we walked into the store. We walk over to the carts and I point to one and ask Crue to grab it for me. He does. It’s the kind that has the seat in the front, facing forward. Hadley jumps right in, I buckle her, I’m thinking to myself “whoa!!! I’m super mom right now. This is great! I’ve. Got. This. Shit. On. Lock. DOWN.”
Anyways, Crue asks if he can push the cart. I think it’s going great, so I answer “yes”. 
We start through the store, I stop by the men’s section and pick out a couple clothing items for Zac and we move on. I keep looking back, making sure they are behind me because I’m baffled at how quiet and perfect they are being!
Before we get to the kids clothing, I tell Crue that I want to look at a couple things for the house, so we are going to make a pit stop by the wall decor.

That’s where it went wrong.

We walk past the picture frames, and I notice a large clock sitting on the floor that peeks my interest.
I crouch down onto one knee to take a look.
Before my right knee graces the floor, my body turns cold. Instantaneously, I feel as though my life is ending and I can hear flashbacks of my mom’s voice warning, “don’t get that cart too close to me. Back up! You’re doing to hit the back of my heels!”
I knew what happened. I was afraid to look.
I turned around, nearly falling onto the floor, and Crue and I met eyes.
His eyes looked like two saucers filled with guilt and uncertainty of his future.
Hadley’s small, 2-year-old hands covered her mouth in astonishment.
No one said a thing.
It was then that I looked at the bottom of the front of the cart and noticed a thick slice of skin dangling. Crue’s eyes followed mine. I grabbed it and held it up in front of my face.
“Do you know what this is?”
Neither child said a word.
By this time my blood had begun to recirculate.
“This is my skin. MY SKIN! And it’s hanging from a shopping cart. Doesn’t belong there. Okay?”
Crue nodded his head.

I felt blood. I look down and notice my flip flop is full of blood. Basically, hemorrhaging in kohl’s home decor section.
I don’t have a thing to wipe it off with.
I’m frantically looking through my purse that contains a shit ton of unnecessary items. You think there’s a napkin? No. What I really needed was a maxi pad to soak it up.
I found a receipt. A receipt. Yeah, you can imagine how that worked. I should have just taken my hands and tried to rub the blood back into my body like a moisturizer.

I stand there with a freaking receipt pressed to my skin, hoping it will stop bleeding soon so I can carry on and get the hell out of here.
Finally, it slows enough that I decide to bolt. I tell Crue we are leaving. He nods and begins to turn the cart toward the exit.
He then says “did you wanna get that clock?!”

*My hope is that this post gave you a laugh. Provided my misfortune.


<3 Tiffany

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