Being transparent, I feel empty right now. I know that I am blessed and I have so much that I am grateful for, yet I feel empty. Lately I have been living each day moment by moment. My life has consisted of doing what I have to do to check each task off of a never-ending to do list.

I am in this cycle of just moving from one thing to the next like a robot. My drive is lacking and I feel like nothing that I do is good enough, even when I know that it’s good. The struggle is real.

Have you ever felt empty? As a first-time mom I have struggled with what I imagined motherhood would be like, what I want motherhood to be, and what motherhood actually is. I have always been one to place many irons in the fire and make it all work but motherhood is so different. Becoming a wife definitely posed its own challenges and continues to do so, but motherhood? Motherhood is another beast.

Motherhood impacts every iron in the fire. Being a mother impacts my role as a wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, employee, and so much more. I am seeking balance but it seems like every time I find a groove something changes and I have to find a new groove. I know, “welcome to motherhood.” Insert hard eye-roll. Majority of the times that I’ve heard that statement it was not well intended and it really hits a nerve.

The process of adjusting to motherhood has left me feeling empty, I’m not sure how else to describe it. I want to excel in every area, I am just struggling to get and maintain my footing. Today marks nine months of motherhood and I hope and pray that I really am doing something right.